So, at the time of my coming “coming out” I had numerous girlfriends because I was trying to establish whether or not I was indeed lesbian. One day I went home with one of the girls I’d been seeing and introduced her to my mother as her “Makoti” (daughter-in-law), my mom overlooked this thinking it was a joke. They later realized that it was quite a serious thing. My family didn’t quite have a problem with me being lesbian, their biggest concern was that I should get through university and get an education for myself – and this is something I am currently working on.

I was married for two years to a man who is the father of my children. Some time into the marriage I ran away because I couldn’t stand being a man’s wife. I left home not explaining anything to anyone and I was away for a good two months. Upon my return, I disclosed that I was lesbian, my biggest fear being segregated from my family and discriminated against, and this is exactly what I happened. I didn’t have to accept the fact that they didn't accept me for who I was. I knew that this is the life I wanted to live and I am very content with myself. The most important people in my family have changed over time, slowly accepting me for who and what I am – this is all that matters to me.

I wouldn’t say, “I came out”, my family basically knew I was lesbian from an early age really. I have always had a very androgynous gender expression or “butch” as others call it and it was my family who bought my clothes. Church was a regular thing for us and I loved it, so I started inviting my girlfriend over to church, we started attending church together quite a lot. One day, our sexual orientation was a topic church members had clearly been talking about and this led to the pastor calling me into her office after one service. The pastor told me I am not allowed to be part of the worshiping team anymore, and that I should give up all the other duties I had in church until I “repent”. I don’t go to church anymore, but I do still believe in God and have my own relationship with God.

I have two sisters, both younger than me, my mother and me. There were strict rules in the house: I was restricted from going out the yard at all times and being out in the yard landed us into big trouble. The time came when I moved to the North West in Grade 9 and this is when I got some ‘freedom’ because it was a new place and I was away from home; I could be me. Around that time, mom started questioning me about why she hadn’t yet seen me with any girls before, asking if I was Gay? I denied being Gay and said I was bisexual, she had no idea what bisexuality was so I had to explain that I was attracted to both girls and guys, which wasn’t true – I was just trying to cover for myself. One day I got really drunk and said to my sis I felt like I wasn’t loved enough in the family because I was Gay, she said nothing at first but asked about it the following day when I was sober. I told her I was gay and she was fine with it, she is the one who told the rest of the family. Her concern was that gay men were a big risk when it comes to HIV infections, so she spoke to me about safe sex and condom usage. My family took a bit of time but started to embrace me for who I was. While I took some time to disclose this to my friends they got Facebook notifications that I had joined a Gay group, they behaved weirdly at first but they came around and told me they were “cool” with whoever I was. I am just being me taking one step at a time.

I am 29 years of age, born in Zimbambwe. I grew up there and left for South Africa when I was 18. My parents didn’t care much about how I dressed up or who I played with, I always played with girls and wore my sisters’ clothes. Problems started when I went to church because I never dressed or behaved the same way as other “normal” boys. There was always some sense of stigmatization and discrimination. I felt, unwelcome, almost. When I moved to South Africa in 2007, I thought things would be easier than back home but it turned out it was still pretty much the same. I came out to a good friend of mine who later gave me novels about coming out to read and understand that there were other people who faced difficulties coming to terms with their sexual orientation and living as openly gay. It helped me cope while lived and studied at college because it was the most difficult place and time of my life. I was isolated and alone, I lost a lot of friends and in September 2016 things hadn’t changed much for me – so I tried to commit suicide because I had had enough of the discrimination and segregation I experienced. It was tough and I had mixed feelings, mostly sad. I am trying to live as normal as possible, this means still being in the process of trying to make some more meaningful friendships. I spoke to my family and I don’t think they have a problem with who I am, so hopefully this means I could have a better relationship with them as well.

I recently come out as gay, but since I was young, as young as middle school, it was always said I was gay because I have a very tiny voice (which is associated with girls only) and what many called a “feminine walk”. In high school I dated girls I had the same problem all the time: they would ask me about the rumour that I was gay, so as you can imagine those relationships ended very quickly. It was not easy as I was trying to understand the dynamics of who I really was, so to have that and a family and community that refers to your whole life as “demonic” was and still is painful. At some point I have had to choose between my mother and my sexuality because she would always deliberately humiliate me and shame me at family gatherings, something that’s been damaging to our relationship. My grandmother, though, was very understanding and only expressed concerns over my health, relaying stories of gay men she knew as friends that died through HIV-related diseases. She didn’t want me to die the “same way” and die young. My paternal family doesn’t really want anything to do with me and I would love to have a relationship with them, so it’s still a process with gradual progression. I hope they will come around. For me, it would perfect and make sense when all of my family has accepted me regardless of my sexual orientation.

Not sure if I came out first to my mom or sister, if it was with my sister I didn’t have to tell her – I was 13 years old at the time (she was 14 years older than me) and one day she asked if I had a girlfriend, and I said no. This was a question she asked persistently for a while. After weeks, she asked if I had a boy or girl I liked; I told her there is this guy that I liked. She made things easy for me, she normalised everything in the discussion of my sexuality and didn’t make me feel ashamed of myself or anything like that. I wish more people could open up to seeing things like she did and make things easier for all other young LGBTI people wanting to come out to their families as well.

I am not openly gay to my family, I am openly gay to some of my friends and I am still “in the closet”. I come from a Christian background, and if you come from a Christian family it’s not easy being gay it is seen as a sin. I wish I could tell them about myself, who I really I am but I am scared that this could result in my being kicked out of home. I have to lead two different lives: when I am home I have to be a different person, when I am with friends I have to be a different person and this is the at Church. It’s tough and very challenging for me. My wish for the LGBTIQ people is to have our own churches that are welcoming of us regardless of our sexuality because some of us really love God and want to go to church. We are good at singing and want to express ourselves through singing at church but we are not allowed because churches want nothing to do with us – I hope to see change in the future.

I first came out as a bisexual to a close friend of mine at the age of 17, it was a bit easier than coming flat out gay. When I was 19 I came out and told my family and friends that I was gay. I’ve always known that I liked guys from a young age, my first crush was John Smith from Pocahontas, but coming out was difficult because I was constantly subjected to bullying at school due to my sexuality. When I came out it was not necessarily by choice, I was pressured to come out by my boyfriend at that time. I had broken up with him and he threatened to commit suicide. Not knowing what to do, I told my mom about the situation and that I was gay. I realise now for myself that there was never going to be a right time to come out but I guess I needed that push.